I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
