well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
