dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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