It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
