I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
