She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
