if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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