I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
