What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
