He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it's like iHOP with fire
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
