So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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