I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
