The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
