He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
