i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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