it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
