i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
