yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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