I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
