I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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