I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
