Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
