i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
