for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That accounts for only three of the penises
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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