Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
