I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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