He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
