Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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