i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
