2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
