She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
