I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
