Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
