Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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