my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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