the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So much Jack, so little girl.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
