You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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