Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
