This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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