Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
