if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
