I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
