Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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