90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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