I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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