White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
