you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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