FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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