There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
