you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
