I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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