She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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