My room smells like vodka and shame
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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