census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You may now shotgun with the bride
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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